The Nintendorks Are Going To E3 2009
Because of the sheer spectacle of what it had become, the powers that be decided to gimp the show by removing the booth babes, moving it to another location, and making it invite only. It was pretty lame-ass. In the power vacuum that ensued, a few other, even more lame-ass expos came onto the scene, but overall, nobody cared. E3’s death actually made people who weren’t video game programmers give a rat’s butthole about the Game Developer’s Conference. Seriously. Had you even heard about it before a few years ago? The answer to that question is No, asshole.
But, like the burnt-up-bird-that-should-be-dead rising out of the little-bits-of-soot-and-burnt-up-bird, E3 is back. And it is going to be pretty much as it should be. And we’re going. That is CORRECT, three of the staffers (Cory, Travis, and myself) have managed to secure Nintendorks.com media badges. They say “All Access” in a military-style font, so you had better believe that we are going to do things that will eventually have one of us arrested. I am hoping that person is Travis, and I am hoping it is for public intoxication.
What will we do at the expo? Pass out Nintendorks condoms. Conduct awkward interviews with people holding Nintendorks condoms. Play video games that you won’t get to play for a while. Put stickers and posters and XXL t-shirts into free bags. Eat sidewalk vendor bacon hot dogs because the prices at the convention are an inappropriate uncle touch.
But we will also report. Via the site. Via twitter. Hell, if you send me your phone number I’ll call you from the show floor. I will do this. Nintendorks.com will be your SECOND JOKE WEBSITE that you CHECK after you go to 1UP FOR REAL NEWS.
If you will also be going to E3, and are a Nintendorks reader, send an email through the fantasto-intersphere and we’ll interview you. There. And give you a condom if they haven’t already been given out or used by Travis while drunk. We also welcome any and all questions, comments, or suggestions. Two weeks!