Last week, Nintendo was at a club, freshly powdered and dancing like a fiend.
The music was thumping, the lights were flashing, and Nintendo was in…the…zone. On the floor was Profit, shakin’ her money maker, and Nintendo made its way over and started working its moves. They were close, face to face, the warmth of their breath clinging to the sweat on their faces. It was hot. Intense. Nintendo goes to make a move but Profit says, “I can’t; I’m on my period.” Nintendo doesn’t buy it. Profit took Nintendo’s hand and slid it beneath her panties. So hot. This is…what’s this? Nintendo pulled its hand back and saw red. “I just went Showgirls on your ass,” Profit said and danced away. According to the Associated Press, Nintendo saw a first half loss for the first time since 2003, when sales from Cubivore were less than expected. This year’s woes are blamed on Japanese inflation and the fact that the new 3D handheld console was being delayed until after the winter solstice or whatever dumb holiday people celebrate in December (even Japan has a big New Year’s gift giving tradition). Smooth move, Nintendo, taking losses now just to make sure your big product is ready to launch. Your days are numbered, especially with Sony’s hip new motion sensor technology taking the gaming world by storm.