Just When I Thought I Was Out, Burger King Pulls Me Back In.

by Ray on

Well, crap. Here I am, a fully grown 32 year old (kind of) man and soon I’ll be walking into a Burger King demanding the clerk to pull the box full of toys from out behind the counter so I can sift through them and snatch the ones that I absolutely must have. The Mario and Luigi figures are no-brainers but the rest I’m on the fence about buying because they really aren’t all that thrilling (as the completionist inside me laughs maniacally). The following ten Nintendo/Wii U themed toys are available at a Burger King near you (or will be soon) and despite early rumors suggesting that some would be NFC compatible with the Wii U gamepad, that’s now about as likely as them remembering to take the pickles off of my double cheeseburger. Christ, I hate pickles.

Oh yeah, just look at that guy. The pose says it all: “I am Super Mario and you are not.” While this figure doesn’t look quite as impressive as the one you could get at Wendy’s back in 2004 (who moonlights as the star on my mini Christmas tree each year), it’s still a free Mario toy and arguably the most desirable of this bunch. It will be mine.

Clever idea or not, I don’t think I’ve been compelled to play with a barrel of monkeys in my entire life. The fact that these are shaped like Diddy Kong is indeed enticing but still nothing worth getting a speeding ticket over. *Sigh* I guess we’ll find out.

And again with the Kong themed stuff, this time some kind of “game” where I’m assuming the object is to stand those cardboard cutouts of barrels up and then try and shoot them down with the plastic barrel. I’m sure this will provide hours of entertainment.

Now THIS could be the dark horse of the group as I have absolutely no clue what it does. Is it a chew toy? Will it squeak if I squeeze it? Is it actually NFC enabled? Why does it come with a replica of Mario’s mustache? These are the questions that can make a man crazy. I must know.

A green koopa shell with wheels that you can roll around. I’ll repeat that: A green koopa shell with wheels that you can roll around. The elegant simplicity is blowing my mind here.

More cardboard cutouts, this time of Mario and Luigi and that you place inside of a couple of cloud shaped pieces of plastic and watch them race. I uh…yeah.

Another tablet shaped toy that comes with some little discs that have shells printed on them that I assume you shoot into that little cardboard hole thing? I’m not really sure because the descriptions over at bkcrown are both incomplete and flat out broken on a few of them at the moment. I guess I’ll be hitting refresh all night to uncover the mystery behind all of this.

Ah, yes. Here we have one of those “tilt this thing around and try to get all of the little metal balls into the little platforms” games that have populated the toy section at grocery stores for at least the last thirty five years. Hard to not be excited about this bad boy.

Wow. Yet another tablet shaped “prize” here. This one coming with what look to be maybe some stickers and unfortunately not AR cards. No, that would have just made too much sense to do. I get that they’re pushing the Wii U here but come on. Would it have killed them to throw 3DS owners a little something over here?

And it all comes back to this. I can’t wait to get my hands on this Luigi figure only to discover that it is completely incapable of standing up on its own. Actually, no. I’m sure it will be just fine and I really do like the way his pose mirrors Mario’s. I’ll have to find something to bookend these guys with besides this post. Perhaps my first wave of Wii U games? Probably!

Click here to head over to BK’s official website where you can enter a some kinda code thingy in a futile attempt to win a Wii U.