DRCs: 09-23-08

by Brandon on

You may remember 2 or 3 weeks ago that the domain for Nintendorks expired. This only affected those who actually visit the main page, and for those of us who do, what a NIGHTMARE! Imagine going to your favorite porn site–you know, the one you go to every day–only to find it is no longer there. Horrific, I know. Luckily in this case, all that needed to be done was submit a quick payment to have the domain renewed. It’s a very simple process that I did 2 years ago, but I wasn’t around when it happened this time. So who stepped up to keep the Nintendorks name alive? A reader, of course! As thanks to this reader, I sent him a batch of DRCs to answer himself, which he did. He truly is a god of squirrels, and deserves your thanks and respect.

Holy Hell! You guys are still alive? I thought you bit the big ass in the sky long ago. I just wandered hear because I put “7 flavors of ass” into google remembering vaguely that it came from some website from my youth and BAM! Hey, hey, brandon, hey, do you remember that time Bmano said he got his penis stuck in the cartridge slot?

Heh, Damn good times. Whatever happened to the gordita machine? hey, uh, uh, do you remember the starcraft tournaments? Damn good times, damn damn good times.Well I’m happy you guys are alive, I’ll add this to my bookmarks. PENIS! Hihahoheehee, er or something to that effect. – Lunatikk

SquirrelGOD: Oh, Brandon is going to be so disappointed that he missed this one. But, didn’t Bmano stick his penis in a lot of things? I don’t remember him being all that picky.

My right testicle has been hurting lately. What do you think? – Opty

SquirrelGOD: First (and funniest) response: Nad cancer. Followed by suggesting that you have that one disorder from that episode of Venture Bros. And finally, you may have what I have: an extra testicle! If so, welcome to the “Tri-Ball Club of Men who are 50% more Manly than Most”!

Grad school is interesting.Send money, please.– DavidP.S. There are fraternities trying to get me to join them.

I have a funny feeling they just want a grad student to buy them alcohol. – Dayton

SquirrelGOD: That, or your next DRC will be about how you were sodomized by a bunch of frat boys.

sarah palin deserves to be complimented by willie horton. and then be made to have his baby. – idunno

SquirrelGOD: Be careful with what you say about her. I hear she’s close with Russia.

It’s amazing how much shitty “Folk Art” 9/11 has inspired. Finally rednecks can decorate their homes with

something besides NASCAR memorabilia. – Mark

SquirrelGOD: Nevar forget, y’all!

Brandon, You never congratulated me on finally getting a 360. I’m hurt. Also, I want more people to talk to me

online at work, cuz I’m bored, 🙁 – momtartin

SquirrelGOD: Listen, sometimes it’s just best if Brandon doesn’t acknowledge something. When I got a 360, Brandon told me that I would never become an astronaut or a dancer. …It’s amazing how someone can crush a lifetime of dreams with so few words.

If you’re going to meet Boris you should know about his moves. First watch his hands, if they go for his pockets he’s about to dual weild. If it looks like he’s yawning, he’s about to pull out a rocket. He is weak against blocks. Make sure to do a rolling dodge. These tips may come in handy. Pray you survive. – Jbond64

SquirrelGOD: It’s obvious that Brandon didn’t follow your advice. He recently succumbed to wounds that he gained while meeting Boris. His dying words to me were, “Handle the next DRCs for me…but know that you’ll never be half as witty as I am.” Looking back, it was kind of a dick move.

Shouldn’t you feel sick BECAUSE you’re not working hard? In fact, I think you’re supposed to work twice as hard when you’re sick and then three times as hard when you feel better. A constant upward spiral of work until you die. It’s the American Ideal. – Mirage

SquirrelGOD: But, not the American way.

Not Seth MacFarlane’s best, but the end was worth it. –


SquirrelGOD: I have yet to laugh at a single one of these “This Video was removed by the user” videos. I guess you’d just have to have been there.

So yeah, thanks for keeping me entertained ever since you guys were “IGN Affiliates” back in 98 or 99 or whenever.


SquirrelGOD: You’re welcome.

If you can come up with a new and original way of inserting the word “boobs” into an everyday sentence, I will hold you in higher esteem than Ricky Pounder. – You want the impossible.

SquirrelGOD: Ricky Pounder likes boobs. However, keep your praise. There are better men who are more deserving of it.

Fine sport playing with you again ol’ chap! Fine sport indeed. – Ned the Head

SquirrelGOD: People usually only write in about a game when they won. So, congratulations on trouncing Brandon quite soundly, old bean!

So is Denis pronounced dee-nihs? – Brubaker

SquirrelGOD: Denis Leary doesn’t, but hey, go nuts!

so are they going to rename Galveston to Tina Beach? – dookie

SquirrelGOD: Too soon.

I used to love Donkey Kong Country 2. I really did. Now I never want to see that fucking game again. Verus and Jbond feel the same, I believe. You’ll soon see why. – ANC

SquirrelGOD: Oh, you big tease. But, I never much cared for any Donkey Kong Country game that didn’t let you play as friggin’ DONKEY KONG.

If you like my game, you might be a redneck – Jeff Foxworthy

SquirrelGOD: Please get out of my favorite entertainment medium unless your next game is “Jeff and Larry in: Suicide Pact!”

I can completely identify with Travis’ “malfunctioning Face Recognition” comment. I can track on any game footage on any media device known to man. I’m especially good at catching people playing video games or watching video game commercials through the crack in their curtains when they have a front-room TV. That sounds creepier than it actually is. – A Sad Pathetic Little Man

SquirrelGOD: Somehow I feel that it doesn’t properly represent your creepiness. You just keep on keeping on, my friend.

Last night I spent twenty minutes trying to decide what kind of body wash to buy. I settled on old spice Pacific Surge. True story. – Ned the Head

SquirrelGOD: Was there an Old Spice Atlantic Surge? Or, do you think that’s only sold in Texas right now? ZING! …I’m a terrible person.

Looks like that bastard Ike did screw things up after all. I’ve tried calling in to see if my job orientation is still on for tomorrow, but it appeared that there was no one there to pick up. Their website says that they’re going to be closed until at least Saturday.All I have to say is “Dagnabbit”. – Orange Soda

SquirrelGOD: Sue the storm.

Did I tell you my wii was stolen?? – Alex Winter

SquirrelGOD: No.

Did I ever tell you that I like Gov’t Mule? – Villian on the Cover

SquirrelGOD: No. But, Alex Winter has an awesome story about his Wii being stolen. You two should be friends.

Other than Nintendo, do the people at Nintendorks have any favorite things from Japan? – The Fat Bag Boy

SquirrelGOD: Their Women. Oh, and I think Jbond is fond to their tentacle compliment porn. Oh, that Jbond…

I don’t want a handful of games’ period.The humble apostrophe is my weapon. – Wilbo

SquirrelGOD: Well…umm…huh. You know, this one has stumped me. Oh, well. That’s all folks!

Brandon: Yaaaaaay, SquirrelGOD! My apologies, but these were ready to go up last week. With my work being uber-busy and me being out of town for the weekend I couldn’t get to these until now. Things are slowing down, so hopefully DRCs will return at a more regular clip.