DRCs: 06-04-09

by Brandon on June 4th, 2009

I still haven’t heard if any Defense Grid on XBLA info is at E3. I want to know.

The gang wants to read the DRCs, Brandon. Travis keeps leaving condoms all over the show floor. He left one at the Hannah Montana section of the Disney Booth. He is a sick, sick fucker. – RubixsQube

Brandon: Atta boy.

You can find out who mugged Clintoris in my exciting, new, thrill-a-minute DS game “Women’s Murder Club.”

Spoiler alert: It was AJ. – James Patterson

Brandon: I get it, because he’s black.

But if they bring you Olivia Munn’s legs she have a harder time getting around… – Phil Matthews

Brandon: A PICTURE you sicko…I guess I can’t get away with calling you a sicko in this situation.

I’m having trouble getting worked up about E3 this year. Should I be taking some kind of medication perhaps? – A Sad Pathetic Little Man

Brandon: Perhaps some meditation in your giant jacuzzi would help.

Thanks for providing coverage that I don’t have to hunt through like a 12 year left at home with an old stack of national geographics – Man wants boobs

Brandon: I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not. Either way, you’re welcome.

I’m sorry I sucked so hard at Punch Out… are you still reading the words “sucked so hard”? – Morgan Webb

Brandon: Are you talking about Jimmy Fallon’s show or did she suck AGAIN at E3?

While I am mildly enjoying the E3 coverage, I just can’t seem to get excited about games whose release dates are months or years away. – Gato

Brandon: By the time they come out, your new kid could play them.

My favorite thing about Kevin & Charles Martinet dancing is when Kevin says “It’s all downhill from here” and Mario offers a dickish “Oh no!” I want a game where Mario comments sarcastically on my depression.

First use for the Wii Vitality sensor! – starmand

Brandon: Hey Nintendo! Hire this man!

Off topic: best concert you’ve been to? – Spencer

Brandon: I can’t think of just one that shadows all the others. My first concert ever was Judas Priest opening for KISS. I was in the 4th grade, and I’ll never forget that. I followed Uncle Tupelo from Blacksburg to DC and saw them two nights in a row like a hippie, and that was sweet. My band opened for Archers of Loaf, and we got them drunk before they went on…that might be my favorite. I saw Neutral Milk Hotel open for Olivia Tremor Control in Memphis…I wish I knew that would be the last I’d see of Jeff Mangum. The first time I saw Guided by Voices I was BLOWN AWAY, and REALLY wish it wasn’t during my 4-year stint with sobriety. Roger Waters KAOS tour was better than Pink Floyd’s show the same year. Singing “Silver Lining” with Beulah on stage was memorable. Being able to tell Neko Case I loved her was more memorable. 1990s opening for Art Brut opening for The Hold Steady was ALL CAPS. Which reminds me of The Smugglers opening for Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet opening for The Posies opening for Young Fresh Fellows…that was a supershow. The Wrens have NEVER let me down. I could go on (I think I already did), but if I had to pick one of those I’d say it was opening for Archers of Loaf–I was a HUGE fan before they came to town, so to open for them, drink with them, and then see them play was the perfect music nerd storm.

They looked so pretentious and bored with themselves in that Beatles video that I thought I was watching a real band for a second. – Survivor

Brandon: Yeah, you’d think knowing they would be on video that they’d animate it up a bit. I blame the lack of alcohol.

Try PRESIDENT instead of Obama. – Jocch

Brandon: DO IT, DOUG!