Deep Fishing

by Chris V on

On September 29th, 2009, “Rapala: We Fish” was released by Activision for the Nintendo Wii. It’s allegedly a fun party game based on the “Rapala Tournament Fishing!” game also released by Activision. Rapala is, of course, the manufactuer of “the world’s favorite lure…since 1936.” And now Rapala is sponsor of the world’s favorite fish-related party game! Maybe even it’s only one!

“Rapala Tournament Fishing!” is only one of many options available for the fishing fan. Other titles available include “Sega Bass Fishing” by Sega, “Bass Pro Shops: The Strike” by Psyclone, “Shimano Xtreme Fishing ” by Mastiff, “Fishing Master World Tour” by Konami and “Wii Hooked! Real Motion Fishing” by Aksys. We’re only a few scales away from some fish-related Rock Band.

Does he have a fish or...or...or a big carrot?

f you think to yourself, “Jesus Koi, that’s a lot of games about fish.” Yeah, it is. It really is. This is not a trend that began with the Wii, either. The Super Nintendo, for example, had TWENTY-FIVE fishing games (although only 7 made it to the Western world).

What the hell is the appeal of virtual fishing?

It may be primal. Fish is/are one of the first animals man conquered and devoured. Fish, although slippery, are easy enough to catch, being centrally located in water. They also rarely have teeth. Yet, if it truly was a primal urge, wouldn’t gamers grab some rubber boots, hop in a rusted boat and float out in the middle of a lake with a six pack of cheap American beer and a container of worms?

I'd give that an unwanted pregnancy

nother theory is that fish are beautiful. They have an amazing range of colors and shapes, which just makes a person want to hook them and drop them in a bucket. Of course, the most commonly fished, er, fish, are bass, trout, perch and salmon, which are hardly as dazzling as the tropical fish in living room aquariums, and only cats fish out of those tanks.

Fish are delicious. Well, I personally hate the smell of fish, and I don’t care much for the taste, so really watery food has no appeal to me. But this isn’t about me. I don’t even own a Wii. This is about people who fish and eat fish and just shut up and let me finish already. Anyway, people like to eat fish, and there’s just something about catching, gutting, skinning, buttering, cooking, and eating your own meal. Something gross. Besides which, this theory does not hold any water (oh ho) because you can’t eat video games. Believe me, you don’t want to crap out a Wiimote sideways. Or regular ways. In fact, the last good Nintendo product to pass easily through the bowels was an N64 memory card.

It's the Han Solo effect for when it's cold out

erhaps the interest lies in the strategy and skill of fishing. The hunter has to consider the type of lure, time of day, area of water, length of line, style of rod, and quality of entertainment to occupy the endless time until some stupid fish nibbles on the rubber thing that kind of resembles something a fish might eat and Sweet Mary & Joseph I think I got me something I think I got me something, whoaaaa baby it’s a big one, it’s putting up a fight, I think I got it, Larry, I think I got it, son of a bitch, Larry, it’s giving me hell…Christ, I got it. It’s up, it’s…kelp. Fuck.

Kelp aside, I think that’s the reason people play fishing games. That, and the babes. Chicks love fishing. “Is that a White Sturgeon in your abnormally large angler pants, or are you just happy to see something without scales and fins?” That’s why legendary fisherman Roland Martin (not to be confused with Dean Martin) is always showing people how to get maximum amounts of Honey Holes. Pro-tip: it’s not the size of your rod, it’s how you jerk it with your wrist.

Illustrations by Johnny Connell