DRCs: 06-05-10

by Brandon on

Is Formaldehyde a place? Like…in Canada?

The supposed Dead John Lennon was ripping off a timeless Beatles song that was written by Paul McCartney. The real Dead John Lennon would never do that. – Saleem

Brandon: I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s been a while, hasn’t it.

satchmo: The real dead John Lennon would skull fuck you, though.

Well, I regret to inform you that your CD mixes didn’t convince any girls to sleep with me. I was driving in the car with my dad, however, when Snookered came on and he said it sounded like music for a person in an insane asylum. I think this means it’s good if you take into consideration the generational gap. Personally, it is probably my most favorite song in a long time to blast while jetting down the highway. I feel possessed during the middle part after all that buildup! And then after, the bells calm me down to a point where i lose consciousness and crash my car. It’s a lot like sex sans the vehicle manslaughter. I wrote this entire DRC to sound hip by writing the word “sans.” – Sack

Brandon: Instead you sound like a prick Frenchman.

satchmo: You’re doing it wrong – sex should always include vehicular manslaughter.

i feel like i should do this because it’s a nintendork thing and maybe people wont hate me as much

also, no caps so fuck the haters n e wayz – superrad

brandon superrad i could never hate you

satchmo: Lower case helps in case a monster truck comes tearing through the DRCs, so I guess you are pretty smart.

Wait, I can’t tell: Brandon either loves or hates me. He loves me — he loves me not. I must know! – Jethro Tull

Brandon: No matter the genre of rock, I’m of the mindset that flutes don’t belong.

satchmo: Unless they are in a vagina. Or dolphins are around.

With Black History Month almost over I feel like Nintendorks hasn’t had enough coverage of black Game Developers. I will be complaining to the NAACP about this. – Opty

Brandon: That’s because no one wants to play a game about inventing peanut butter or shining shoes.

satchmo: Make sure your letter to the NAACP includes some grape drink and/or a fried chicken. I hear they love that shit!

I heard the “Diddy Laugh” during some car commercial that played every Olympic commercial break. I’m really just sending this in because it feels like forever since we’ve talked. – Nussy

satchmo: What are you, my Jewish mom?

“Wow. And you call yourself a Nintendork. Zapper = NES. Do yer damn research! – Victor Prim,e the Ghost-Who-Waddles”

Yeah, because I should do research on things I lived through. I thought the better approach would be to proofread for typos, but then I saw your name was “Victor Prim,e” and thought if you don’t care, I don’t care. – ChrisV82

Brandon: He clearly waddled all over the keyboard HA HA.

satchmo: NIGHT COURT!

Name meanings:

Mario – sailor.

Luigi – warrior.

The end – vaginaboob

Brandon: vaginaboob – vaginaboob

satchmo: vaginaboob – boring ass DRC submitter. STOP WASTING MY TIME!

Did I attempt a joke at comparing the Wii party game “Boom Blox” to the supposedly revolutionary-for-the-power-industry Bloom Box? If so, then I am eternally sorry. – tubular culosis

Brandon: You goddamn should be. I can’t believe I slept with you.

satchmo: Box is another name for vagina.

So Chris got drunk and posted on the main page again, huh? – Nussy

Brandon: There’s a main page? Chris gets drunk?

satchmo: At least he didn’t piss on it.

No More Heroes 2 – Jasper Batt has to be one of the weirdest villains ever. – vaginaboob

satchmo: As weird as that time you hung out with your cousin?

Brandon: Hey if you rearrange the letters in that name it spells vaginaboob.

On one hand, it surprises me that the founder of this site’s last 5 main page posts have been about music, and not Nintendo… or even video games. On the other hand, I’m not really that surprised. – Dewey

Brandon: On one hand, I’m slapping your face. On the other hand, I’m masturbating.

satchmo: Your hands are covered in dick-destroying jalapeno, so what does it really matter?

How do you explain to your mom what your Wii is? – tubular culosis

Brandon: Go fuck yourself. I still can’t believe you attempted a joke at comparing the Wii party game “Boom Blox” to the supposedly revolutionary-for-the-power-industry Bloom Box.

satchmo: She already knows what it is; you live in her basement.

Rock Band needs some Black Keys and a Sleater-Kinney song off of “The Woods”.

And yes, Pavement. – tubular culosis

Brandon: I agree. Shiiiiit I guess we’re friends again.

satchmo: tubular culosis needs to get outside more.

Does this comment system actually allow me to comment on a story? And does serious stuff really go to The Bag? This is serious. – Hithere

Brandon: Yes.

satchmo: Serious stuff should go to your guidance counselor or a trusted adult.

I didn’t know you were a Saints fan! Me too! Doesn’t it feel weird? – Hooray

Brandon: Weird like that time you hung out with your cousin?

satchmo: Weird like that time I hung out with your MOM HA HA

We should be Lala friends. Do you use Last.fm at all? I’d be nice if you do. I want to stalk your listening habits all year instead of waiting until January to read what your favorites for the year are.

I’ve been enjoying Last.fm for a few years now. I love inane stats, but it’s also great for finding new bands/songs.

There is a Nintendorks group: http://www.last.fm/group/Nintendorks+dot+com

What’s great about Last.fm is that other sites are starting to link with it. Lala and The Hype Machine are the only sites I know so far, but I’m sure others will to someday. – REVLIK

Brandon: I am a member of both of those fine communities. I really only listen to Last.fm on my xbox, though, and don’t visit Lala as much as I probably should. I just joined the Last.fm group!

I want your honest opinion here. What do you think is Nintendo’s future in the next few years? Do you think they’ll make a console that has the graphic capabilities of their competitors now that they’ve managed to nail the broader, casual gamer marker with the Wii? Do I smell? – Uncertain

satchmo: Yes.

Brandon: I should probably send this serious comment to The Bag. The TRASH Bag HA HA

dwarf fortress is the best game that I’ve ever played. – a dwarf

Brandon: I think big dick fortress is the best game that I’ve ever played.

satchmo: Yes.

Because of you and DRCs I meet the man of my dreams back in ’03 I never got to say thanks so thanks and i’m glad you guys are still around.

P.s. I still miss the gold coins. – Pepsiscrub

satchmo: You’ve been asleep for a long time!

Brandon: Stop living in the past.

Do you have Mclusky on vinyl? I will buy it from you. I really will. – tubular culosis

Brandon: Yeah I have 10,000 copies of mclusky do Dallas and I’m selling each one for 1 million dollars, thanks!

satchmo: Fucking christ guy, go outside. seriously.

I just recently met my first nintendorks in real life and it was magical. Thanks.

So this drc seems less gay I’ll also tell you that I beat Godzilla in wrestling and banged 1,000 supermodels. – Survivor

satchmo: You do know dudes can be supermodels too, right?

Brandon: Sorry about your butt.

Travis has a sexy voice when he does nintendorks radio, plus he is funny. Mark, you should be shamed…no offense though… 😀 – cdub

Brandon: That’s not the only thing Mark should be shamed about.

satchmo: I hate when chicks submit DRCs.

I listened to your Nintendo podcast. Is Mark fatter than Travis? It sounds like he is fatter. – Little Debbie

satchmo: I like the cut of your jib.

Brandon: I got way too much pleasure reading that comment.

satchmo: So did your cousin.

I like Big Star, so after I heard Alex died I decided to listen to a couple of the Box Tops’ hits…. Holy buckets, that does not sound like a sixteen year old; awesome! – Eldaron

satchmo: But if you slick his hair back in the shower, he looks 8.

Brandon: He has the throat of a [insert sexual joke here]

GBV reference! Rad.

Good song choice, too. – Jason

Brandon: Anything GBV is rad.

Baseball sucks, Chris is no longer the coolest Nintendork – HyperDork

Brandon: I didn’t know there WAS such a thing as a cool Nintendork.

satchmo: Don’t you just hate pants?

Those “predictions” looked more like opinions. Also, toronto shouldn’t have a baseball team since they are Canadian…Silly Canadians… – Cdub

satchmo: Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over my universal health care.

I spent an hour trying to unlock the extra ball in Sorcerer and all I have to show for it is these kittens I strangled. – WelshCleats

Brandon: Slap some butter on them, wrap them in tinfoil, and grill them. Delicious! Also, extra ball joke.

satchmo: Oddly enough, that’s how I masturbate.

“You will find a zip file for each CD right NOWHERE”

oh come on, the best of 2009 is still better than the first 4 months of 2010…let me download. – smotpoker

Brandon: If you were a valued member of the Nintendorks community, you would have seen my post on the forum leading you HERE.

satchmo: Haha, smoking pot makes people lazy and forgetful. I GET IT!

Ahnagonver is sometihhng to wakeup to thattells you you had a good time last night. – []!

satchmo: You put a lot of effort into pretending to type drunk. That’s weird.

Brandon: You know what tells me I had a good time last night? CRABS.

so do you have a different Steam name or do you just never use the service anymore? – MEKsLP

Brandon: I was playing Audiosurf just the other day, motherfucker!

Kevin, your article was AWESOME. There is no sarcasm in that at all. As someone who is a vet of the series (though each game since the first has grabbed me less and less) your fresh perspective and clever writing made for a fun read.

Hey, just letting you know I liked the article since, you know, you’re not getting paid for this or anything.

*goes to check Amazon’s price for HeartGold* – graddy

satchmo: Nintendorks are quality people. Except Chris. Did you know he likes baseball??

Brandon:: I pay Kevin plenty! We’re Facebook friends! You can’t put a price on that.

I don’t know about Pokémon, but I think I’d like to slow grind Kevin’s girlfriend. – A Sad Pathetic Little Man

satchmo: Sorta like you slowly grind down my tolerance for your creepy schtick?

Brandon: What WOULDN’T you like to slow grind, you sick fuck.

Props to Kevin Hairline on that review of Pokémon. In all the reviews I have read on the internet, I have never seen a reviewer inject life a experience/story into a review and actually give the reviewed game a better score based on the fact that it made that life experience better. It was definitely a unique review, and open me to some ideas that I can try with my girl. Maybe well take a trip like kevin did and do something like what he did. Anyway, to see game critiqued not just on graphics or controls, but on how it makes life better is awesome. Good job Kev… – Cdub

Brandon: I read that review like it was a letter to Penthouse.

satchmo: And I didn’t read it at all HA HA

If this trend continues, we’ll have to rename this column to the Bi-Quarterly Reader Comments.

Ha ha HA! Bi-Curious. – Phil Ken Matthews

Brandon: You did it wrong, it’s HA HA. Amateur.

satchmo: If this trend continues, we’ll have to rename you Pussy Cry Bag.

years later this place still sucks. penis – maw

Brandon: Wait, does it suck penis, or are you calling me a penis? Both are rather offensive.

satchmo: Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!

Hey Adam,



notquitetony –

Ok, that was mean-spirited. I’m sorry. I take it back. Great article. Everything is awesome. – notquitetony

satchmo: You should sack up and stop apologizing for your comments within the DRC. It makes you seem like a faggy fag.

Sorry, that was mean 🙁

Adam had me going. The more I read, the more I could feel his brother’s death coming.

But he didn’t. Despite that, it was a good read. – REVLIK

Brandon: I TOTALLY wanted his brother to die so I would be right. Dammit.

satchmo: I am also disapointed when strangers don’t die. REVLIK!

Man, Adam’s article almost made me tear up. I miss my brother, and playing games with him. – the jc

satchmo: Jesus didn’t have a brother!

Brandon: You faggy fag.

Adams piece was amazing. Rarely do I enjoy a point of view on life from anothers prospective (especially if it doesn’t involve gaming) but here you have two total strangers, related by blood alone. And though they are strangers, through gaming they were actually able to lay the foundation for a better relationship. Nicely done Adam, and great story. – Cdub

Brandon: Just marry him, already

satchmo: GO OUTSIDE!

What is the best lube to use when masturbating? – Kyle Walters Esquire

Brandon: Tears.

satchmo: Your cousin’s tears.

Remember Vela’s ass? – WindFish

satchmo: No, but your cousin has great tits.

Happy 3 month anniversary, Brandon! – A Sad Pathetic Little Man

Brandon: Hey thanks, ASPLM!

satchmo: Historically, the three month gift is the absence of faggy fags. I see you decided to go non traditional.

How do you top Super Mario Galaxy 2? What should the next Mario game be like….? Mario 64 2??

Also, a long time ago I had a dream that they made the Nintendo 65. True story. – vaginaboob

Brandon: Your dreams are boring. That’s why they happen when you sleep.

satchmo: What’s a Mario?

When I saw the beach preview image combined with the text “We’re going back, everybody.” I half expected the Nintendorks E3 video to be a parody of the LOST scene where Jack is telling Kate “We have to go back!” – Phil Matthews

Brandon: I half expected Kevin in a bikini. Then again, I do that regardless of what happens on the main page.

satchmo: Didn’t they have a bunch of half asian kids or something?

I love how Nintendorks has some of the highest quality E3 coverage out there and yet doesn’t publicize it nearly enough. The teaser video was awesome, by the way. – Grayson

Brandon: That’s because WE’RE awesome.