Nintendo Video: Nintendo Has Been Working On This Instead of, You Know, Making Games

by Kevin on

We all know that Japan gets a [whole bunch of Nintendo products that America does not](

I don’t really understand Nintendo’s strategy much these days, but I am just a dude and they’re a pretty big successful company, so…maybe I don’t need to understand what they’re doing. If you’re Japanese, and you own a Nintendo 3DS, you can watch videos in three whole dimensions on your device through a new channel! Above, I’ve embedded their trailer for the service.

I want to remind you that the trailer is designed to make you want to download and use this service. As such, ideally they would display content clips that would make the average Japanese 3DS owner excited about watching 3D video, correct? Well, I guess maybe I also don’t understand the Japanese, because the clips Nintendo has actually selected are all over the map crazy. At the start, an insanely gentle, calming guides the viewer through how to actually select and open Nintendo Video. Great…a little unnecessary, but great. I’m on board. Suddenly, at about 24 seconds into the video, the polar opposite, voice-wise, starts screeching while we zoom in on a chemistry set. A man inflates a balloon in a plastic box containing his head, and lets it pop. It is shown in slow motion, and juuuuust as you’re getting your bearings in this new and confusing world, whooosh we’re transported to ten seconds of what looks like the most incongruous fashion show ever. Women strut down a runway in the most pedestrian clothes imaginable, and the people in the audience are flipping a shit, going crazy with confetti. The beat dissolves and you are now…in a Japanese alley, in a horrifying first person viewpoint that makes you feel like a ghost/murderer/both.

Nice job being wacky, Nintendo. I am pretty damn confused as to what the point of the service is. Maybe it’s that I’m only watching the video in a boring two dimensional format? Maybe the text, which is in a language I do not understand, is the key to this mystery of a video? I suppose that they might bring the service to America, but right now, I like living in a world where this exists only on a wackadoo island in the Pacific.